I grew up in the Roseanne era. I still remember watching an
early Roseanne on the Johnny Carson show doing a number about a sugar coma. I
don’t remember the entire bit, but I remember my mother, who I thought was the
funniest woman alive, laugh out loud at Roseanne. If my mother, my comic idol,
loved Roseanne, then I knew there was something special about her.
When Roseanne, the television show, hit the airwaves, I was impressed by a show
that showed a family very much like the one that I lived in. It wasn’t the
white-washed family of the 50’s through early 70’s. It wasn’t the goofy
families of the late 70’s and early 80’s. It was gritty, down to earth, and
realistic. Along the way, the show tackled many subjects, while all the while
having a good time, entertaining us with a show that even kids could watch.
You can’t say that about many comedies on television today.
The shows have become ultra-liberal, geared towards the east and west coasts,
and they are so filthy that I don’t want my kids watching them. Roseanne dealt
with adult subjects in a way that the adults got the joke, while the kids didn’t,
but both laughed. Old fashioned Looney Tune cartoons had the same brilliance.
When you can create something for the old and young alike, you have mined gold.
So, what will Roseanne in the 21st century look
like? First, we’ve been told that Dan will be back despite us learning that he
died. Roseanne mentioned somewhere that he faked his own death. Maybe even
better will be Roseanne having a nervous breakdown, and living in a life where
she couldn’t tell dream from reality? What about the kids? Will they return to
having been Becky hooked up with Mark and Darlene with David? That doesn’t mean
that they would have to be together today. In many cases, few early adult relationships
last. Odds are, Beck and Mark are split up and fight over custody from time to
time. We know Sara Gilbert is gay in real life, and I did have a first cousin
whose wife left him for another woman. So, could Darlene have done the same,
but still be on friendly terms with David? Maybe David’s line could be, “Well,
I didn’t have what Darlene was looking for?” That would be a vagina, folks! I
always told my cousin that. I always felt it would be easier to lose a woman to
another woman instead of another man because there’s no way I could compete
with another woman!
What about DJ? What is in store for his character? Will
Jackie be back? Families change over time. People move out, some move in, my
family looks very different than it did 20 years ago. There are those who were
very close 20 years ago who barely talk to one another today.
What about this political angle that keeps being reported.
Will Rosie be more conservative in her older years? Or, will Roseanne play the
opposite, and play off as a liberal? Just because Roseanne may play her
character as a conservative doesn’t mean her whole family will be. In fact, it
wouldn’t make for much fodder for the writers if everyone was on the same page
politically. Does anyone remember hearing about that couple that divorced over
Trump last fall? Roseanne could play the conservative leaning character to Dan’s
liberal leaning character, and in the end, it could show us that even though
loved ones disagree, it is possible to find common ground on other important
issues, like family, and keep loving the person you disagree with politically.
Of course, Roseanne and Norm MacDonald could keep us in stitches while showing us this fact over and over.
I’ve watched the Full House reboot and there is one thing that bothers me
about it. It’s too fake. The premise isn’t based in reality. Roseanne will
hopefully not go down this route. How do you bring in old characters, like
children, back into the home, especially when they should be on
their own with families of their own? Well, many millenials are living at home
with their parents. Having all three kids living under the roof would be
unbelievable, but having DJ still living at home, continually going to college
because he can’t find a good job, while growing deeper and deeper into student
debt would be very realistic, while making for good script. I mean, don’t we
all know a “professional student” or three in our own life? I have a brother who is one.
He works as an auto parts man. He’s the highest educated auto parts man that I
know, and he has $100,000 in student loans to go with it, so he keeps going
back to college! I don’t know how he’ll ever be able to buy a house at this
rate, and he’s 38 years old with no family of his own. That’s real life. Maybe
that’ll be DJ’s life?
What about the girls? I hope they aren’t living to home.
They could live nearby though. It’s not uncommon to find children who stay
close to home. My sister lives across town from my mother. She’s a single mother
and uses my mother to help watch the younger children from time to time. Maybe
one of Roseanne’s daughters could live across town and be the daughter who “imposes”
upon Roseanne and Dan for babysitting, groceries, and helping to put gas in the
car. That would be real life. Maybe Roseanne and Dan will have to borrow from a successful child? That is reality in today's world too.
What about the heroin epidemic in our country? Will Roseanne
tackle that? What if Roseanne is raising her grandchildren because one of the
kids is hooked on drugs? That too is real life today. It could tackle the
problem in a real life way, while still being funny. What if Darlene is the one
with the heroin problem, and Roseanne is raising her kids. Becky likes to
impose upon Roseanne, but Roseanne has a little fun switching the tables on
Becky and dropping kids in on her at inopportune times? The cousins could also
gang up on other family members. That would make for great comedy. I know my
cousins and I would get into great mischief when we were younger.
The fact
is, Dan and Roseanne should be retired, but I can only assume, like so many
families today, they are probably still working because they don’t have enough
money to retire on, and because they have to raise their grandchildren and help
the other kids out. That is reality in our world today. Will they still have
the restaurant? Will Dan have a bike shop? I was sort of hoping that they would
run a blue-collar tavern. What a great place to have different people come in and
talk about everything affecting the working class today. Like Cheers, it would
give Roseanne’s writers a place to work out a lot of material. Plus, I like the
thought of having special guests pop through Roseanne’s tavern. Roseanne did
these great skits in her original show with guest stars. Wouldn’t it be neat to
see people pop into the bar and say stuff to crack us up? The Dukes of Hazzard
used to have Roscoe’s speed trap that would catch country music stars and they’d
have to play at the Boar’s Nest to have Roscoe tear the ticket up. Maybe there
can be a running gag that draws celebrities into Rosie's bar for a drink? Maybe
there can be a place that all these celebrities are looking for and their satellite navigation gets them lost and points them to Rosie's bar. They stop in for a drink and when they're finished, Roseanne gives them real directions, the old fashioned way, by word of mouth. Think what fun they could have with Bob
Uecker, Tim Allen, or maybe president Trump stopping by! Norm MacDonald writing for
Bob Uecker in a bar would be comedy gold, especially if Roseanne is behind the
bar! Of course, this is all just make believe in my mind. I’m sure Roseanne
knows what she wants to do with her show and it probably isn’t anything near
what I’ve written. But if you're reading this Roseanne, feel free to steal my ideas!
I look forward to seeing her show. Whatever she does, she is
brilliant, and I am confident her brilliance will be on full display. She is
like my mother. She’s smart. She’s confident. She’s as funny as they come. I come from a line of strong women and I can relate to Roseanne. I
look forward to her brand of blue-collar comedy on the television again.
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