On forgiveness and reconciliation

The following is an excerpt from a letter that I recently wrote concerning my thoughts on forgiveness and confession.


....." I am also very glad to hear that KinDee will be doing her confession next week with you. It’s not so much for me as it is for her. She feels terrible for what she has done and I think it is important for her to have a definitive sign of her forgiveness from God from you. We have been spending countless nights up speaking about life in general as well as this affair. I told her that forgiveness has two parts. The first part is to feel genuinely contrite for one’s actions. The second is to ask for forgiveness. Neither contriteness nor asking for forgiveness work without the other. How can one sincerely ask for forgiveness without feeling sorry for their actions? How can someone feel genuinely sorry for their actions and not ask for forgiveness? It was just as important for me to hear KinDee ask for forgiveness as it was to hear that she was sorry for what she had done. When we sin against someone, whether it be a person or towards God, we take something from that person. We hurt them. We sort of take control from that person when we sin against them. We submit that person to having to accept the bad actions that we have done against them. God doesn’t consent to our sins. I didn’t consent to KinDee hurting me, but I have had to accept it nonetheless and endure its pain. I forgave her right away, but the pain remained. It wasn’t until she physically spoke the words asking for forgiveness did the pain lessen.
When we physically ask for forgiveness, we give power back to the one that we’ve hurt. We give that person the choice to either forgive or not. We return to the person the power to choose once again. If that person decides not to forgive, then it is their prerogative not to do so, even though Christ has asked us to forgive. It then becomes an issue between the hurt individual and God. That is, as long as the one asking for forgiveness is sincere and has made an effort to repay the one who was hurt. I drew a comparison to KinDee regarding the church. In the Catholic Church, there are a couple of ways to receive forgiveness. One is through confession, and another is through the Sacrament of the sick. In my eyes, the Sacrament of reconciliation is the one where the sinner goes and physically asks for God’s forgiveness and the minster of God sends the sign of God’s forgiveness to the one asking for it. It is much the same way as the situation between KinDee and I. Just as in reconciliation, being truly sorry for one’s actions is a prerequisite for true forgiveness. Both contriteness and the physical act of asking for forgiveness must be present. Take the Sacrament of the sick on the other hand. There, the one who receives this Sacrament also receives forgiveness of sins, yet the person receiving the forgiveness doesn’t have to physically ask for their sins to be forgiven. This forgiveness doesn’t involve returning what was taken from God. We don’t give the power back to God. The Sacrament of the sick is a gift from God to those who may be physically unable to ask for God’s forgiveness. What if KinDee accepted my forgiveness in the beginning and never physically asked for forgiveness from me? It wasn’t as though she was unable to ask it of me. In fact, I gave it to her in the beginning much the same way that God gives the Sacrament of the sick. KinDee was still fresh out of the affair and confused and she was genuinely unable to feel sorry for her actions in the proper way at the time. Because I loved her, I gave her my forgiveness freely in order to show my love for her. God loves us much the same way and this is why he offers us the Sacrament of the sick in much the same manner. I still had pain from her actions and she had taken “power” from me. I had to live with her actions and it affected my life much the same way I assume God feels when we sin against Him. It is a deep hurt. As KinDee “got better” and actually started feeling worse for what she had done, it became increasingly important for her to physically ask for forgiveness from me and return to me what she had taken even though I had already forgiven her. She had yet to give back to me what she had taken and she was now able to do so in good faith. Of course I forgave her again, but it was extremely important for this event to take place. Isn’t it the same way for the church? KinDee has received the Sacrament of the sick, but she is capable of asking God for forgiveness. She is of sound mind and body; more and more so each day. What if she were to just skip the Sacrament of reconciliation because she felt that God has already forgiven her? Wouldn’t God be just as hurt as I was before she asked me for forgiveness? What does God think of those people who would rather take the gift of his forgiveness without ever paying back to Him what is rightfully his by going to confession? If KinDee had refused to speak the words asking me for forgiveness, would she then be able to say that she was truly sorry for what she had done? Again, contriteness and physically asking for forgiveness go hand in hand. I don’t see how someone can truly be sorry for their actions if they’re not willing to ask for that person’s forgiveness when they are capable of doing so. Anyone who seeks forgiveness without the willingness to pay back to the person whom they’ve stolen from is still guilty of sin, and maybe a greater sin than the one that originally got them into trouble in the first place.I am no priest and certainly I am a sinner like everyone else. This experience with KinDee has opened my eyes to a few things though and I feel blessed that God has felt that I’m worthy enough to educate me in this manner."........


- Letter written 9/24/2009

Thank God (after the surgery)

This is the day after having all my teeth removed. There is a stigma attached to people without teeth. They are looked down upon as people who didn’t brush or take care of their teeth. I did brush and I took care of my teeth, but they still got cavities and what I didn’t do, was go to the dentist to have the cavities fixed. The cavities spread and caused my teeth to break. After my teeth started breaking, it put more pressure on the remaining teeth, and they started to fail as well. The broken teeth became infected over time and that really kicked me in the ass. I awoke today feeling better than I have in over 10 years. My mouth hurts and is terribly swollen, but it doesn’t hurt as bad as those infected teeth did. Part of it is the pure glee that I feel that God spared me and allowed me to return to my family. I think the rest of it is the fact that I am no longer being poisoned by my old teeth. I am catching myself still trying to use my old teeth. I went to take a pill and I couldn’t bite it between my front teeth before I swallowed it with water like before. I used to bite my lips from time to time and I can no longer do that. I can’t chew anything right now because my gums are still too swollen, so that is sort of frustrating, but it’s something that I’m willing to endure if it means no more infection. I am going to wait 6 months to get my new dentures. They have promised me that the dentures will look natural. It is a shame that I have to go to dentures. If I had seen a dentist regularly, I could have avoided this all. I last saw a dentist when I was 14 and it was a terrible experience. It hurt like hell just to get a filling, and that pointed thing they used to press on your teeth I believe, caused more cavities to form. I have an awful lot to be thankful for. Thank God my infection is gone! Thank God I’m alive! Thank God I have wonderful friends and a wonderful family! Thank God. Thank God!!!!