8 Years and Counting……

On October 23rd, my wife and I will celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary. I’ve loved her longer than that though. I’ve paid the price to love KinDee. I made a vow to her to love her for better or for worse. I’ve experienced both over the past 9 years that I’ve known her. I’ve shared the joy of our children with her and felt the bitter pain of her betrayal. It’s these things that have made me love her more. It’s easy to love someone when the times are good. When you love someone through the tough times, it’s then that you realize just how much you love that person. My first marriage ended in divorce and my current one nearly did. I’m very thankful that my wife and I are still married. We wouldn’t be together today if I didn’t love her as much as I do. We also wouldn’t be married today if my wife didn’t love me tremendously in return. I realize that my wife loves me more than what the world has to offer her. I just thought I’d take a moment to sum up my 9 years with my wife, 8 of those years being married.

I met my wife through my cousin Sarah in August of 2001. KinDee and I never dated. I had been separated from my first wife for nearly 2 years. KinDee was living alone across town. I ended up renting my cousin Sarah’s house. One of the first things I did was send Sarah over to KinDee’s to borrow a bar of soap. I figured she had two sons, she was bound to have a bar of soap that I could borrow. I started seeing KinDee on and off from then on. In November of that year, KinDee became pregnant with Jenna. It’s a good thing that KinDee and I liked each other. From that time on, KinDee left me a couple of times. I finally said enough and wouldn’t let her back into my life. In May of 2002, my divorce became final. In July of 2002, Jenna was born. I didn’t know about Jenna until a week later. My mother begged me to take KinDee back and I did. She hasn’t physically left me since. KinDee moved in with me in late August of 2002. Up until this time, she still had her apartment across town. In October of that year, I married KinDee. I believe in marriage. At our wedding, her mother hugged me and asked me to take care of her daughter. I promised her that I would. KinDee had a tough custody battle in December of 2002 and lost. It nearly tore us apart. In 2003, Pixly came to live with us. We finally had a teenager stirring the pot. In October of 2003, we started looking at buying a house. In November of that year, our son Sean was born. We finally bought our home in June of 2004. I would rather go through another divorce than buy another house! Things were pretty stable from that point on, but in 2004, my health started declining. By 2005, Pixly had moved out and my health declined further. It was getting harder for me to work. I converted to Catholicism following the death of Pope John Paul II. KinDee did not. By the end of 2005, I had decided to quit driving truck because of my health. KinDee had to start working in order to pay the bills. In January of 2006, KinDee went to work. I quit driving full time in February 2006. We soon were expecting our third child together. Things were really bad between her and the father of her two oldest. We petitioned the court again in the spring of 2006. In December of 2006, our daughter Karen was born. 2007 was a rough year. I stayed home with Karen while KinDee worked. My health continued to fail and we went into court in July of that year and lost again. This nearly tore us apart again, and in fact, little did I know, but it really did on KinDee’s part.

In late 2007, we were facing foreclosure on the home and things weren’t that good. I quit driving altogether in July of 2007 and we solely relied on KinDee for income. I was awaiting a Social Security hearing. We were able to get our finances straightened out with some financial help, and starting in 2008, I had a health crisis where I was suffering from heart failure. 2008 was a pretty rotten year. KinDee and I didn’t get along all that well. I attributed it to stress and the fact that she worked third and I slept at night. By the end of 2008, my health had stabilized some, yet we were very distant. I won my Social Security case in December of 2008.



In early 2009, I was able to get my teeth all pulled. My teeth were in bad shape and were killing me. I nearly died during surgery. Financially, we were stable, but I needed KinDee’s help more and more as my health was getting worse. I thought that things were getting better between her and I, but rumors were coming in that my wife was having an affair. On May 7th, 2009, my wife finally admitted to me that she was having an affair with a co-worker from late 2007 onwards. This devastated me.



I know some view this as airing out dirty laundry, but I think it’s an important story to tell. I loved my wife. I never quit loving her. I could have easily divorced her right then and there. I had the money to divorce her. I actually filed for divorce because KinDee was telling me that she wanted to leave. I also had to protect myself. You cannot love someone that refuses to have you love them. Plus, it’s dangerous being in a relationship with someone who claims they no longer love you. She was served with divorce papers and she looked long and hard at them. I told her that I didn’t want her to leave. I told her that I would divorce her if I had to, but preferred that she make changes in her life. She initially refused, but after receiving those divorce papers, she decided otherwise.

In the time since, KinDee has converted to Catholicism, retooled her thinking, and made amends with me. It has been a very long and difficult road and it’s still not back to normal. I do love her though and going through this difficulty has shown me just how much I love her. I’ve kept my promise to her mother. I’ve taken care of KinDee and I continue to love her even though it hasn’t always been easy. That’s what love is. Anyone who has children, especially older ones knows exactly what I mean. You love your children even when they hurt you. I love my wife the same way. It doesn’t mean that I condone the hurtful things that she’s done. It just means that she’s not just something that is disposable in my life; an object to be thrown away when its usefulness has run its course. It’s been a long hard 8 years. I love my wife more now that I did 8 years ago. How many people say that in today’s world? Only those of us who have been through the hard times and know what real love is. Happy Anniversary, Mother. May we celebrate many more.