Real Love

Many people today don’t even know what love really is. They seem to have it confused with infatuation. I can’t tell you how many times that I’ve heard women say that they’re looking for a guy that makes them feel butterflies in their stomach. That’s not love, that’s infatuation. I hear guys talk about not having enough fun with their wives. They seek out other women to have sex with. That’s not love, that’s infatuation. Real love isn’t instantaneous. Real love is a process. It happens over time. Real love comes long after the infatuation phase passes. Real love is looking at your spouse, several years into the marriage and seeing their faults, and still loving them. Real love is forgiving your spouse after they’ve hurt you. Real love is sacrificing for your spouse at your own expense, and not expecting anything in return for it. Real love is wanting to see your spouse become a better person. Not just the person that you want them to be, but the best person God intended them to be. Real love is being bored with your spouse, but still wanting to be with them. Real love is loving your spouse the same that you would your parents or your children. Real love is being honest with your spouse, and not lying to them. Real love is not wanting to hurt your spouse and when you do, you feel horrible for it. Real love is praying for your spouse, and asking God to bless them. Real love is losing your spouse, and feeling that a part of you is gone forever. Real love is the same sort of love that God has for us. It’s sacrifice, forgiveness, and being selfless. Real love is building your treasure in heaven. It doesn’t happen overnight. Real love takes a lifetime.

Brownie

     I have three vehicles that I currently own. Last year, after I discovered my wife's affair, I sold the two vehicles that we owned. I had two nice Chrysler minivans. One was a 1997 and the other was a beautiful 2002 with low miles. I just couldn't ride in vehicles where I knew my wife had been with another man repeatedly. I had just gotten done sticking over $2000 in the 1997 so that it was almost like a new van. It made me sick to sell them, but thinking about what went on in those vehicles made me sicker. For the 2002, I traded it for a 1990 Chevy 4X4 pickup (named Charlie) and a 1982 Chevy full size conversion van that we named "Brownie". The pickup was rough, but the Chevy van was in pretty good shape for the age. Actually, it was in better than good shape; it was near mint. That may not be saying much to those who shudder at the thought of a big brown full sized van as opposed to a sports car or sporty pickup, but to me, a van aficionado, it meant a lot. This van was in such good shape, that it appeared it had hardly been used. There was no sun fading, fabric fading, paint fading, cracking or peeling. It was rust free. It didn't have any rust on the body or the frame. The steering wheel wasn't worn anywhere. Everything in the van was tight, like it was fairly new. This van looked like it dropped out of 1985 or 1986. The engine ran like it was new. It's a 305 High Output with a 4 barrel carburetor. I was leery at first because old carburetors are notorious for leaking and just plain being screwed up. They aren't cheap to repair anymore either! I hit the key on this van and the engine came to life without even touching the gas pedal. The 305 purred. It ran so smooth and quiet. You could hardly hear it run. I drove it. It ran just like it would have back in the mid eighties. I couldn't believe it! It was like this van came out of a museum or something. I like old things. I still listen to my music on vinyl. I go to cemeteries for fun. I like old houses. I like old furniture. I like old people for that matter too. This van was old and in very good shape. I fell in love. I have tried to describe this van to my friends and I have gotten used to their yawning about it. To them, it's an old brown van. To me, it's living history. When I can hop in this van and hit the key without touching the gas pedal, it's a beautiful thing to me. When I hear the thing run quiet like it would have from the factory, it's music to my ears. When I smell that old gassy exhaust that those vans put out (think of the old gasoline bus exhaust smell from childhood), it's delightful to my nose. It's about the same to me as watching steam locomotives running down the rails today. People come out of the woodwork and stand by the rail sidings snapping pictures of these locomotives when they are out running on display. That's the brown van for me. While my old Chevy van isn't quite the relic that a locomotive is, it is getting rarer to find such a specimen. Go try finding yourself a four door car from the muscle car era. It's near impossible. Back then, everyone kept the two door models because they were desirable while throwing the four door models into the iron pile. Someday, in the not too distant future, you'll play hell finding these old classic vans that many of our families owned back in the day. If you do, they'll be all beat to hell or modified to such a point that they won't resemble the vans that our parents owned. The old Chevy van that I own is just like it came from the dealership. It isn't modified at all. It's like stepping back in time.

Brownie (1982 Chevrolet G20)

     All of this doesn't mean that the old girl doesn't have her problems. Like those old locomotives that I mentioned, there is a lot of maintenance that goes into this van. We found out from the original owners that this van was only used to go on vacation. It was never a daily driver. It would go months without ever being driven. It was always stored as well, which explains it's immaculate condition. However, time still works on things. It makes things brittle. The speedometer went out shortly after buying it. The tires were dry rotted. The hoses were dry rotted. Anything that was rubber was in pretty poor shape with the exception of the door and window seals. The spring for the latch in the door was brittle and snapped as well. The blower motor switch for the heater is temperamental. I suppose all of those years sitting around wasn't good for it. I'll probably give it the old WD-40 treatment to see if it cures it.

     Last fall, I took the van to Waterloo to see my grandfather. While there, a tire went flat. I thought that we might have ran something over. As it turns out, the tire just split around the bead because of dry rot. I threw a spare on and parked it because I didn't want to drive it in the winter anyhow. I'd go out and start it from time to time all winter long. This spring, I didn't have the money to fix the van up. It just sat outside; that is, until recently. That old 1990 Chevy pickup is getting to be a pain in my ass. I'm just plain sick of it. I want a van back so that way we can all travel somewhere as a family together instead of taking two pickup trucks. I've started the process of replacing all of the old dry rotted rubber. After sitting outside all winter, the fuel pump went bad. Not that it went bad mechanically. It still pumped fuel. The diaphram inside rotted and it pumped gasoline into the crank case. The top radiator hose sprung a leak. The power steering pump is now leaking as well. I'm repairing all of these things so that the old van can be back on the road. I'm going to drive it too. I can't afford to have it sitting around anymore. I need to put it into service. Sadly, it too will start to wear and rust just like all the rest. The only difference is that it will do so almost two decades after it's brethren and I will have the pleasure of driving and caring for a vehicle that my parents would have owned.

Hickory Trees

KinDee, Karen and I went for a drive today. We headed to Oelwein and went out to the Amish. I noticed today how the hickory trees really stood out amongst the others. The leaves on the other trees are all starting to grow pale as the hickory is still a bright green. The hickory tree has a distinct look to it's leaves; sort of clumpy, and spiky looking. They aren't lobed like your oak or maple. They're more like an elm on steroids. I could see the bunches of hickory nuts in the tree. I love the taste of a hickory nut. It's a relative of the pecan. You can substitute hickory nuts for pecans and make a hickory nut pie. The only thing about hickory nuts that I don't like is the hickory worm. When cracking the hickory nut, you will occasionally find a little white grub worm. People say they are great for fishing. I wouldn't know because I refuse to touch anything that looks like a maggot. If you see a small hole in the side of a hickory nut, odds are that a worm bored that hole. Not in, but out. I haven't studied it much, but I think the nut grows around an egg and the worm grows inside. When he's big enough, he bores a hole through the nut shell and goes off and does whatever hickory grub worms do. I'd love to plant a hickory tree in my yard. They're slow growers. I probably wouldn't live long enough to enjoy the tree myself, but my kids would. Unlike a walnut, I don't see those disgusting bag worms taking over hickory trees. I suppose mowing might get to be a challenge. I remember having a bunch of walnut trees when I was a kid. I used to mow and I'd hit those walnuts and send them flying. There was no way around it. You had to be careful that no one was close by when you mowed under the walnut trees, and you had to aim away from the house and cars. I haven't found hickory trees in the nurseries around here. I see the county offers them to farmers for wind breaks, but you have to order a lot of them, and they're spindly little bare root things. I want either a large potted hickory or a ball and burlap specimen. I have these really crappy maples that I would just love to cut down and replace. I hate maples. I also have an elm tree that I like. I'll keep that one. I have a dwarf cherry that's out next to my drive that I planted when I moved here in the summer of 2004. It's only now really starting to take off and produce cherries. They're the tart cherries, not the sweet ones. I wanted a cherry tree because I remember sitting under the one that we had at the Chase Place when I was a kid. I always said that if I bought a home, the first thing I'd do is plant a cherry tree, which I did. I have these giant old pine trees as well. I'm hoping I die before they do. They'd be a real bitch to cut down. If it fell the wrong way and went through my house, it would truthfully cut my house in half. I've also tried planting an Iowa peach tree. It's called an Indian peach, which is actually a native tree to Iowa. According to the lady that I bought the seeds from, it can take a year or two in the ground before the seeds germinate. The first year, the tree will look like a weed. After that, it's supposed to look like a tree and be extremely hardy. She claimed that her husband had mowed down some little ones only to have them return. If anyone's interested in these peach trees, you can read more about them at this link : http://www.localharvest.org/indianiowa-whitefreestone-heirloom-peachtree-C242
If anyone knows where I can get a good locally grown hickory tree, drop me a line.

Using this Blog

I have had this blog since early 2008. A lot sure has happened since then. I've said time and time again that I'm going to use this blog more, but never seem to. Now that Facebook allows me to link this blog to my Facebook page, hopefully I'll see to use this blog like I've been saying I would. I've deleted almost all of my old posts. Looking back through them, I felt many of them just didn't fit anymore. So much has changed in my life since I started this. I've only kept the few posts that really mean something to me. I want to use this blog as sort of a diary. For several years while trucking, I kept a diary of sorts and it's neat to look back at it today, and hopefully my children will enjoy it many years in the future. I hope to use this as a place to write about recovering from my wife's affair. I think the lessons that I've been learning could help others who have to go through this hell. I would like to use this place to write about my journey researching family history. I would like to write about my children, and my wife. I would like to write about God on here, or at least my take on God. There is so much I would love to share. I can also write more on here than Facebook allows. I hope that you all enjoy reading the things that I write on here. God bless. - Eric